


Write me a fanfiction!

by DslayerNitro (ShyChey)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Everyone Is Alive, Fanfiction, M/M, Originally a RP, Post Game AU, This Is STUPID, honestly trash, march mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-26
Updated: 2017-12-26
Packaged: 2019-02-20 17:22:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,739
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13151394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShyChey/pseuds/DslayerNitro
Summary: In which Eridan is desperate for  and Sollux is his only option.That is if they don't kill each other firstSomewhat RP that is filled with lame jokes and was also made as a Christmas presentEDIT:fixed some errors





	Write me a fanfiction!

“ED, why the hell are you at my hive?” Sollux asked as he rubbed his eyes. It wasn’t often he saw that violet blooded nook sucker in the ocean reeking flesh.

“wwell Sol, because I fuckin wanna be.” Eridan said as he walked inside Sollux’s room. Pinching his nose dramatically. “you knoww damn wwell I don’t need an invitation to your piss blood dwwellings.”

“Ahh. Now I underthand. Get the fuck out.” Sollux said, pointing at the door Eridan just walked through. 

“you should be nicer to your guests, sol. wwouldn’t wwanna be called a bad host.” Eridan said, swooshing his cape up as he sat. “I wwas bored.”

Sollux blinked from behind his glasses. He tried to blink loudly, then gave up when he realized how ridiculous that was. So instead he used his psionics to lift Eridan up. “You go out the window now.”

“Sol wwait! I need you!” Eridan exclaimed, having missed the day in class where they teach you how to survive being thrown out the window by a psionic.

“Need me for what?” Sol asked, very annoyed and very impatient.

“Fanfiction. ” Eridan said simply but elegantly. The one word so powerful that it’s known to both end and begin wars. Wars with huge, overwhelming popular battleShips.

Sollux sighed and dropped Eridan on his stupid sea-dwelling face. “Get you thupid thea-dwelling face up and explain.”

Eridan got up, dusted himself off, then fell to his knees. “Sol I’m beggin ya! All my favvorite authors are on hiatus and if they’re not then their stories havven’t been updated in so long and I can’t wwait for these filthy land dwwellers to start wwriting again!” 

“Wait, you only read land-dweller writerth? You fucking hate land-dwellerth!” Sollux exclaimed, frustrated by Eridan oxymoronic lifestyle.

“Yeah. But sea-dwwellers all wwrite the same garbage. There’s not enough variety to sustain the- WWIPE THAT LOOK OFF YOUR FACE SOL THIS IS VVERY DIFFERENT!” Eridan yelled as he saw Sollux’s face contort into a smug smile.

“Than fetch thomeone who, I don’t know, fucking liketh you.” Sollux countered, trying to tug the high-blood off his pants.

“Sol. I have some bad newws for you.” Eridan said as he watched Sol walk away. “You ARE one of the only people who like me.”

“I hate your gutth!” Sollux yelled, wishing so badly that he could throw him without endangering his precious bees.

“Yes. But you didn’t kill me wwhen I showwed up and if that’s not friendship wwhat is?" Eridan said, looking up at Sollux over his glasses.

Sollux sighed as he rubbed his temples. “One day, ED. One day I will do it, and they will give me a medal.” 

“But today is the day you wwrite me a fanfiction!” Eridan said as he jumped up and wrapped an arm around his best author friend.

“Can’t you get Nepeta to do thith?” Sollux asked, already tired from his daily dose of vitamin ED.

“nep wwon’t exactly…. speak to me anymore.” Eridan said, scratching his head and looking away.

“Not thurprithing.” Sollux said, brewing some coffee for another night of staring at his husktop screen. 

“Wwait you’re not even curious wwhy?” Eridan asked, offended that Sollux considered that normal.

“Nope. Curiouth about my caffeine level.” Sollux poured the cup and walked over to boot up the computer.

“Wwell I asked her to wwrite me story, like one does, wwhen she got all offended ovver my, perfectly reasonable, request for a lemon.” Eridan explained without Sollux asking for an explanation.

“ED you need theriouth help.” Sollux said as he sat down and prepared to make his problem worse by giving him what he wanted.

“I came here for that help, Sol. Noww shut up and listen. I’m going to tell you wwhat I like in a fanfiction.” Eridan said, getting ready to list out his expectations.

“Let me gueth. You want the thuave prince to woo the princeth and live happily ever after?” Sol asked, spinning around to look at Eridan. His glasses did little to hide the judgmental stare.

“I…” Eridan’s shifty eyes got shiftier as he tried to look around for an alternative. Maybe it was underneath those cheeseball containers piled in the corner. Or in the last three, count them three, empty pizza boxes. “Cod Sol, have you ever cleaned this room?”

“Don’t change the thubject. That’th almotht ath cliché ath your tathe.” Sollux said, spinning around as he began to type.

“There once wath a prince….” Sol grinned as he kept typing, muttering to himself as he wallowed in his own self satisfaction.

“Wwhat’s so frickin funny, Sol?” Eridan asked, pushing his author’s shoulders down to see.

“wwho wwas born in the isle of wwest philidelphia wwhere he was born and raised… SOL! THIS IS NOT A JOKE!” Eridan yelled, enraged at his friend for doing something so crude as to parody that dumb show that he loved.

“Lighten up, ED. You thould feel honored I’d even put you and troll will thmith in the thame thought.” Sol said, snickering to himself. “Be a little more original and maybe thith won’t happen.”

“You’re so fuckin rude, Sol.” Eridan said with a sigh, tapping his pinkies together as he thought, nervous about his ideas being shredded by the merciless blender that was Sollux Captor. “Wwhat about some sci-fi? You’re a total fuckin nerd, and I respect science.” Eridan said, burying the previous nervousness with insults. Captors and Amporas both before him would be proud.

“Hmph. At leatht you’re not the one ruining the genre. Even if I am going to avoid it for a while now…” Sollux said, spinning back around to delete the absolute gold he had started.

“Okay okay. I got it. From here to the thars, a boy with my candy barth and a knack for inventionth..” Sollux read out-loud as he typed, hoping to sneak it past Eridan for as long as he could.

“So, the lead character is an inventor, and a thief? Interestin combo Sol. Continue.” Eridan said, as if he was giving Sollux permission. Eridan Ampora giving Sollux Captor PERMISSION.

“He hath a thuper-powered mind, and a mechanical woof beath.” Thith boy rethueth the day from thure dethruction.” 

“COD DAMMIT SOL YOURE DOIN IT AGAIN!” Eridan yelled, spinning Sollux around roughly. “If you make one more shitty reference, ONE MORE, I’ll tell Fef about your lewwd browwser history.” 

“What lewd…Eridan!” Sollux toppled out of his chair as Eridan gave him a hard shove to the side. “Don’t you touch my computer you fucking lunatic!” 

“Sexy. Lowwblood. Girls. Near. ME!!!!” Eridan spoke as he typed, shouting the last word as he was tackled, though he had managed to hit enter. “Ha. Suck. It. Sol.” Eridan wheezed, insides crushed from Sollux’s surprisingly tough tackle.

“Eridan how inept are you? I can juth delete your thupid thearch.” Sollux said, giving a quick eye at the list. When he smirked and realized a better idea. With a few quick clicks he had deleted his own history, through a lot of practice looking up memes he should not have looked up…also porn. After his self-preservation was over, he began the not too complicated process of ruining Eridan’s rep.

“Shut. Up. Sol. I’m not a fuckin geek like you. I don’t knoww howw to… Is that my trollian?” Eridan asked, hand on his side as he stared, wide eyed at the handle, indeed his own.

“Yupp. Now gueth who you’re about to thart trolling ruthlethly, begging for a third chance?” Sollux asked, hovering over Feferi’s troll handle.

“Sol you wwouldn’t.” Eridan said, knowing he would.

“Thol would. Thol Will do even worth!” He motioned toward the Trollian of Meenah, Feferi’s dancestor. With that, Eridan fell to his knees.

“Please Sol! Anything but that… thing!” Eridan did not like Meenah Peixes. She was not committed to the culling of all land-dwellers, did not like Eridan’s own Dancestor, and was Feferi’s exact opposite personality wise. 

“You’re going to confeth that you juth have a thing for Fuhthia bloods.” Sol said, eyebrows going crazy with power.

“Don’t be crazy! That’s too cruel, evven for you!” Eridan begged, pleaded with the psionic sadist. 

“Perhapth…” Sol back at it with those dead memes. “But it would get you off my back while you did damage control.” Sollux said, smirking as he hovered over the mouse.

“Sol. I wwould do literally anything you wwant to keep you from doing that.” Eridan pleaded. If he weren’t so close, he wouldn’t even think about begging like a peasant. But with Sollux’s psionics and the strict, don’t let the dangerous murderers have weapons thing, he couldn’t as much as shake his fist before Sollux could throw him out the window.

“Anything huh?” Sollux asked, eyebrows once again going wild with power. Those damn things were practically magic, which made Eridan hate them so much more than normal.

“Sol, I told you, I threw that outfit away… Okay not really but-” Eridan said, trying to hide the shame on his face when Sollux started spurting out.

“DEAR THWEET JEGUTH ED! I jutht meant thut up and let me write what the hell I want to write for you.” Sollux said, coiling back, one arm up to block the view of Eridan.

“I… Oh…” Eridan changed color by a few degrees and shut his mouth. He had hoped to keep that a secret, at least for another few months…

“You’re thuch a freak ED.” Sollux said, sighing as he sat down and started to type. Picking a Super-Hero themed fanfiction for him.

“There’s reelly no need to be mean, Sol. Sometimes I just wwant to feel pretty and I-”

“ED!” Sol yelled out, shutting him up. “Get the fuck out while I work, alright? You owe me like…twelve favorth for all thith thit.” Sollux griped.

“Nyeh…” Eridan whined as he quickly made his way out of Sollux’s hive.

Sollux eyed back before saying “Come back later to get it.”

“Okay Sol…” Eridan said, opening the door.

“Wear your outfit!” Sollux called out from his husktop.

Eridan stopped at the door before turning back, but Sollux didn’t move a muscle. He was a silhouette against the glow of the husktop as he typed away. Eridan rushed away, trying to decide if he was serious or not…

“Pfft. Fucking ED. He’th no prince… Damthal in dithreth more like.” Sollux said as he started typing up a hit. SuperTroll saves Lois Lame.  


**Author's Note:**

> hope you enjoyed! comment if you wish to see more shenanigans of such nature <3  
> ALSO MERRY CHRISTMAS


End file.
